Monday, November 04, 2002

black eye

i now look like someone punched me in the eye about 4 days ago... my eye is swollen and i've got an ugly brown bruise underneath it... it looks like a healing shiner... my right cheek is still pretty swollen, but i think it's shrunk a little... i still can't open my mouth real wide... and the inside of my mouth is still really raw and nasty, which is totally to be expected...

overall, i'm still feeling fairly miserable... and i'm starting to get depressed... i mean, i KNOW i'm going to heal and all... and this ugly fat face is just temporary... but, i feel so icky and i look so icky... it's just bringing me down...

i REALLY hope i'm looking closer to normal tomorrow cause i HAVE to go back to school... i've got too many classes tomorrow to miss them.... i guess i'll just keep my head down if i'm looking too nasty still...

as of right now, i can't imagine ever eating real food again... actually having to chew something? no way... :) i can hardly open my mouth wide enough to shovel scrambled eggs in... let alone open wide for some steak and chew it up... oh well... i'm still 5 pounds lighter than i was friday morning pre-surgery... i haven't lost any more, but i've not gained any... i'm sure it'll all come back, though, once i start eating real food again... all i've been eating is jello, pudding, scrambled eggs, soup broth, and last night i had mashed potatoes... and i've had no appetite, which is awesome... i always have an appetite... so, this is a lovely little change... maybe my stomach will shrink after this experience and it won't take nearly as much to fill me up....

this morning i thought that i might be getting sick... whenever i start to get sick i get this strange feeling in my throat... it's not sore... it's just an odd feeling... and then my throat seems to close up and bit and it's a little tough to breath... anyway, i had that feeling early this morning when steven left for work at 6... then, at 10, steven called me from work to check on me... my voice was just about gone when i talked to him... but, it came back after i got my shower and my throat now feels just fine... so, we'll see... it might be that i'm getting sick... and it might just have something to do with my surgery and swollen face... who knows... i just really hope i'm not getting sick... lord, i don't need that right now...

2:23 PM CT  :: 

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