Thursday, December 12, 2002

finally

well, i finally got clyde's ashes back today... finally... thank god... i was really starting to get worried and pissed off....

i just had to look at them... i don't know why they call them "ashes"... i don't see anything that resembles ashes... it's just... pieces of bone...... i know that when they cremate people they grind the bones up so it's just dust... not that i really care... maybe it sounds really horribly morbid... but... i kinda like seeing his bones.. i mean, i don't like seeing his bones, but... seeing them rather than ashes... i know that's it's really him... i can see how that it was him... and not just dust.... it's more... real, or something............. not that i'm going to be opening the box and looking at his remains often........ anyway, at least i've got my baby back... they put them in a really simple, nice wooden box that clasps shut... it really just looks like a jewelry or trinket box...

i think steven really wants me to just put the box away... like in the closet or something... he keeps asking me what i'm going to do with the box... "like, you gonna put it in a shoebox or something and put it away?".... i think it might disturb him or something leaving it out... he wasn't too keen on the idea of cremating clyde and keeping his ashes in the 1st place.... i think he thinks that keep his ashes is not moving on..... and maybe he's a little right... but..... i want to keep the box out... not downstairs in the living room where everyone can see, but up in my bedroom... i mean, it's definitely a private thing... and i wouldn't want to have to explain it to everyone that sees the box, so... i would definitely want it in my room... like on my dresser or bedside table or something......... i'm not ready to "put him away"... you know? does that sound morbid to you? am i not getting over it by keep him it out??

2:54 PM CT  :: 

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